I started my period this morning as soon as I woke up. I really can't even muster up any feelings other than I feel numb and broken. Which, let me tell ya, may be the worse feelings that I can have. October will mean that we have been trying to have a child for a year. A freakin' year! It sucks that we will reach that part in our journey. It sucks that I feel cheated because I've only had half the chances that most women have had because I have long cycles. It sucks that I'll have to tell Josh that we've failed again and the one thing we want more than anything in this world, we can't even try for for another 2 months probably because my body sucks and enjoys having long cycles. It sucks that I'm sitting at my desk having to answer the phones and talk to clients and act like nothing is wrong when I really just want to go home, curl up in bed and cry.
I honestly thought we had a chance this cycle. We did everything right. We had perfect timing. We had hope. I think having hope is where we went wrong. It sucks that I have to say that. Everyone should have hope. I have hope for everyone except myself. It is so much easier to be a optimist for other people. Why is that? Why does life have to be so unfair? Why are there 15 year old teenagers that can get pregnant but I can't.
We will move onto the next step. We will carry on. We will do whatever it takes to have a child of our own.
I had a feeling this would happen. So this past weekend, Josh and I did some retail therapy. I will post all my awesome finds later tonight.
I apologize to my non-Bumpie friends who read this blog. This post was a bit TMI for you. I originally didn't want my blog to be about our trying to conceive journey because, let's face it, one would hope that it wouldn't hit the one year mark where doctor's code your records as "infertile" or "infertility testing". I am going to be changing the "About Me" section of this blog. Since we have reached this part in our journey, many things will begin happening including testing and I want to write about those things because there may be one person that stumbles across this blog and finds that what I wrote helpful. I feel like I can share my story so there will be more TMI posts to come. You have been warned.